What do you want to know?

Someone asked me if I was going to write one of those 'about me' posts. While I really enjoy reading them on other blogs, I find that writing my own feels incredibly narcissistic.

But my fans insist:

1. I was born and raised in Buffalo, New York and left almost as soon as possible. Great city, great people....wait, no....just great people. The city kind of sucks.

2. My dog died over a year ago and if I had my way our second son would've been named after him. Stop looking up the number for Child Protective Services; before we changed it, his name was Luke, not Fido or Rover. Either way, I got vetoed.

3. I can speed read. This in no way pays any bills or enhances my life in any way. It actually costs me money as I buy books on my Kindle faster.

4. I can still do a round-off. It's not pretty but I can put my ass over my head and land without killing myself.

5. The smell and taste of coffee makes me gag.

6. My house is a complete disaster area but my Tupperware cupboard is arranged with military precision. I fear this is the sign of a disturbed mind.

7. I'm getting tired of nursing and would like my old breasts back. They were perky and perfect and I'm afraid that now they're sad and will look like someone deflated water balloons part-way.

8. If you're not sarcastic or snarky, I probably won't like you.

9. I smoked cigarettes for about 18 years and quit 6 years ago. I am now one of those obnoxious former smokers who hate the smell and will give myself whiplash sitting in my car trying to see who is smoking at the stoplight near me so I can give them the stink eye for fouling up my air.

10. I learned how to drive a stick shift sitting on my uncle's lap in his Jeep when I was 13. He pressed the gas/ clutch combo because I couldn't reach the pedals and yelled at me to shift up or down.

11. My goal in life is to not fuck up my kids any more than I was. Some days this looks like a tall order.

12. I would get my nose pierced if I was sure I wouldn't look like an asshat but the odds aren't in my favor at this stage of the game.