Time flies

Today is the Tyrant's 2nd birthday. My mom surprised us with a visit a couple of days ago and we're all going over to the in-law's to party, toddler style. My in-law's have family in the area and they were all invited which means that there's going to be 15+ people there. I don't think I had this many people at my last 5 birthdays put together, but whatever. The Tyrant is funny and amazing and adorable and super fly!

Happy birthday to my favorite 2 year old!

They better like each other

It took us a while to get pregnant with The Tyrant. We got married and I went off birth control. Three years, +/-18 rounds of Clomid, 2 miscarriages and one near-death experience later, we held him in our arms. As I've written before, he was an angel baby. Slept well, ate well, smiled a lot; just perfect. This was our downfall.

When we discussed how many children we wanted, we agreed that 2 would be great. Since we had so much trouble and heartache having The Tyrant, we decided that we would discuss trying again for a second child when he was one year.

I've never been a patient person. Ever.

When he was six months old, I got my cycle back and had the brilliant idea that we should try again for a second child immediately. Who new how long it would take this time, I told The Big O. We'd try for a year and I'd go back to my OB, get more fertility drugs that make me batshitcrazy and play the waiting game again. He was not convinced but I was persuasive and eloquent and knowledgeable in my logic (read: I got a Brazilian wax).

I thought for sure that it would take us forever to get pregnant again. Actually from the time we had the first conversation to when I peed on a stick was a little over two weeks. Fruit flies have longer life spans.

Now we have Peanuty and I can say with absolute confidence that if he had been our first, he might have been our last. He's still the angel baby that The Tyrant was, but in different ways. For example: Peanuty likes to snuggle where The Tyrant didn't. Unfortunately he likes to snuggle at 11PM, 1AM, 2:30-3:30AM and 6AM.

But today I watched The Tyrant play hide-and-go-seek, toddler style with his baby brother and thought about how lucky I am Giggling and chortling, they were the most beautiful babies I've ever seen. Now if only I can get this kid to sleep without selling my soul...

He called me an artist

The Big O wants me to let more people know about my blog so we're going to have an unveiling soon. I haven't let my "real life" folks know about my blog because I wanted to see if I could write. See, I've never written before, I've just wanted to. I don't know if it's any good but he tells me that I have potential and I choose to believe him. I also wanted to see if I could write weekly and I wanted a place that I could just vent about anything that came to mind, including my "real life" folks if necessary.

There will be pictures of The Tyrant, Peanuty Goodness and of course, The Big O. Since I have artistic control, there may or may not be photos of me unless I can perfect PhotoShop to make me look like Christy Turlington on a fabulous day.

Stay tuned!

What do you want to know?

Someone asked me if I was going to write one of those 'about me' posts. While I really enjoy reading them on other blogs, I find that writing my own feels incredibly narcissistic.

But my fans insist:

1. I was born and raised in Buffalo, New York and left almost as soon as possible. Great city, great people....wait, no....just great people. The city kind of sucks.

2. My dog died over a year ago and if I had my way our second son would've been named after him. Stop looking up the number for Child Protective Services; before we changed it, his name was Luke, not Fido or Rover. Either way, I got vetoed.

3. I can speed read. This in no way pays any bills or enhances my life in any way. It actually costs me money as I buy books on my Kindle faster.

4. I can still do a round-off. It's not pretty but I can put my ass over my head and land without killing myself.

5. The smell and taste of coffee makes me gag.

6. My house is a complete disaster area but my Tupperware cupboard is arranged with military precision. I fear this is the sign of a disturbed mind.

7. I'm getting tired of nursing and would like my old breasts back. They were perky and perfect and I'm afraid that now they're sad and will look like someone deflated water balloons part-way.

8. If you're not sarcastic or snarky, I probably won't like you.

9. I smoked cigarettes for about 18 years and quit 6 years ago. I am now one of those obnoxious former smokers who hate the smell and will give myself whiplash sitting in my car trying to see who is smoking at the stoplight near me so I can give them the stink eye for fouling up my air.

10. I learned how to drive a stick shift sitting on my uncle's lap in his Jeep when I was 13. He pressed the gas/ clutch combo because I couldn't reach the pedals and yelled at me to shift up or down.

11. My goal in life is to not fuck up my kids any more than I was. Some days this looks like a tall order.

12. I would get my nose pierced if I was sure I wouldn't look like an asshat but the odds aren't in my favor at this stage of the game.

I'm a bad influence

The Tyrant really isn't a tyrant, he's a great kid with a strong sense of self. Luckily, he has his father's laid back personality with a healthy dose of humor in there to make it interesting. When he was born, The Big O and I immediately fell in love with this little bundle of squeeziness. He was an angel sent from on high and we couldn't have been happier. I nursed him exclusively until he was almost 6 months but that little darling had been sleeping through the night at 2 months. He ate almost anything you gave him with a smile on his face. Actually, he still does most everything with a smile on his face.

At the end of the month, he'll be two years old. While he is still my perfect angel, he's attempting to assert himself in ways that I don't appreciate. Like when he whips his blocks at Peanuty Goodness and beans him in the head. (Unfortunately, Peanuty Goodness has a huge head. Seriously, his head is melon-sized, it's pretty hard to miss.) Thankfully Peanuty Goodness doesn't seem to mind overly much, I think he's just pleased to be part of the action.

And I have to admit, the swearing thing was kind of funny. The first time. It's a little adorable to hear your kid mispronounce a word that'll make you slap the taste out of his mouth when he says it later on in life. But after the first time, I just cringe thinking that I'm going to have to watch my language. As it is, I apparently say "Ummm" a lot if he repeats it as often as I say it.

Today, it appears that I have to watch my attitude also. The Tyrant gets a pacifier at nap and bed time only. When he wakes up, he knows he has to leave them (yes, he gets three. I call it a gluttony of pacifiers) in the crib. He woke up happy today and when I went in to get him, he was all smiles and wanting to get out. Some days he wakes up miserable and just wants to be left in his crib for a while. We accommodate this because it's easier to leave him in there than fight a silly battle.

He stood up and threw his pacifier down. It bounced a couple of times and fell onto the floor underneath the crib. This is where the dust grizzlies live. Dust bunnies are no match for dust grizzlies. No matter how often I vacuum, those bastards seem to hibernate and come back. When he saw that his pacifier had fallen under the crib, he made a sound that can only be described as disgusted. Thoaty, gutteral and full of attitude. I laughed my fool head off.

Again, let's hope that this is the worst of what he picks up from me. Cause I'm going to be paying for that attitude later on in life when he becomes a teenager and makes me wish that instead of kids, we had just gotten another dog.

First poop, now puke.

Peanuty Goodness ate a lot for dinner tonight. So much that I was amazed and probably gave him more than was good for him but he wanted it so I decided to tempt Fate and see.

It didn't go well.

He doesn't sleep well as it is but tonight he woke up after being down for an hour. When he wakes up, you know it. Hell, the neighbors know it. This child wakes up screaming and doesn't stop until he gets his way or passes out, whichever comes first. Getting his way usually comes first as A) I can't have him waking up his brother and B) he gets so upset that shit gets ugly real quick.

Like tonight, for example. We try a modified cry it out method that doesn't seem to work but we go with it hoping against hope. It's like the definition of insanity; you keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. That's us. There should be a picture next to that word in the dictionary of our tired, confused faces.

Back to tonight. I let him cry for 10 minutes, then go in to soothe him. We try not to pick him up but some nights it quiets him down and he falls asleep but other nights it's a no-go. Tonight was half and half. When I picked him up, he quieted down and would fall asleep in my arms but when I went to put him down, it was on. You'd think the crib was electrified the way this kid acted. After 10 minutes we decided maybe his tummy was upset and gripe water was the way to go. The Big O went in to get him and I prepared his digestif. Don't you know he calmed right down, sat on his daddy's lap looked at me, smiled and threw up everywhere? I think he did it for spite. At least it wasn't on the rug. Small blessings, right?

Freedom's just another word...

I'm carless. No, I typed that correctly, carless. Sans automobile. Without transportation. Back in my 20's, my car was totaled and I went without a car for a bit. Did you notice I wrote, "in my 20's"? I had a kickin' little bod, plenty of friends and the bar was two blocks away so I really didn't miss my car all that much.

Now it seems that my body has kicked the bucket, no friends to speak of in my new town and who has time to hit a bar when my almost eight month old still gets up at least twice a night. But I'm okay with all that. I do miss my car however. :)

Things I'm sure of today

1. My fortune cookie had SIX fortunes in it tonight. Evidently, much happiness and pleasure is coming my way. Either that or the machine that inserts them is broken.

2. The Tyrant not only knows how to find the tampons I've hidden but will bring them to me saying, "Mommy's?" I'd hate to guess that they're Daddy's.

3. A warm bath and the smell of clean clothes can induce vomiting.

4. A two year old can eat a lot more than you think he can but will only want to eat what is on your plate. Even if it's the exact same thing that's on his plate.

5. Banana bread with chocolate chips can be eaten for breakfast (the bananas make it healthy enough to pass), snack (it's a loaf so therefore snack-able) and dessert with lunch (the chocolate chips make it qualify as dessert). Since I made it from scratch and know what I put in it, I decreed that most of the calories are "good" calories so any weight gained is obviously water retention or a faulty scale or something equally bullshit.

6. The child that you thought was sleeping soundly will wake up screaming right before you walk out of the house to go somewhere.

Questions?

1. If you have pets, do you see them merely as animals, or are they members of your family?
I actually like some of my pets more than members of my family so how's that for an answer.

2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
Please, please, please not the one where I'm naked at the grocery store. The dream I would pick to come true is the one where my ex turned into a decent human being. Barring that, I'd have to go with world peace.

3. What is one thing most hated by you?
Ooo, Most Hated is like prime real estate. I don't want just anyone living there so I'll have to go with bad drivers. USE YOUR SIGNAL FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Habit For Humanity and medical research.

5. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?
Peace and quiet. And chocolate.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved.

7. What is your bedtime routine?
Um, I brush my teeth and go to bed. People have a "routine"?

8. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?
We met through a mutual friend who later told several other people that he must have a lot of money because he's not very attractive. I took that to mean that he was ugly and I was a gold-digger. She was NOT invited to our wedding.

9. If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be?
I'm going to have to agree with Heathersamommy on this one; one of the great painters would be pretty awesome.

10. What kind of books do you read?
Thriller/ suspense and chick lit.

11. What's your fear?
Bugs and that flesh eating disease. Yuck.

12. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?
Are you kidding? That is the dumbest question ever.

13. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
I liked being single but being married is more fun most days, money or not. :)

14. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
There's usually a younger man in bed with me, sometimes two or three even. This involves much maneuvering to get someone's elbow out of my gut or the small of my back. Then I go pee.

15. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be?
I'd like him to iron his own damn shirts.

16. If you could pick a new name for yourself what would it be?
Lilah

17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
It depends on how horrible exactly.

18. If you could only eat one thing for the next six months, what would it be?
Chicken salad

Per Heather over at Heathersamommy, I have to tag people. Since I don't know anyone to tag, you can do this if you want to. :)